Feels Let Down By Life...

But that will be my external locus of control talking :/

I've been feeling more and more like my life is running out. Because, I'm nearly 16, and everyone expects me to suddenly grow up.

I am a child. If I had my way, I'd stay a child forever.

I wish I could.

But, also, I want to change, everyday, I feel like changing. But I never do. maybe this should be the chance for me to change, not just because people expect me to, or other people want me to, but because I want to do it for myself. I want to give myself a fighting chance at life.

At least, that's what I hope to achieve. So, right now. I'm going to put a playlist on on facebook and start tidying my room up a lil bit. More organised. That'll be my new year's resolution. No, that'll be my growing up resolution. <3

Essential Life Skills. In the form of crime.

Recently I learnt how to pick locks and hotwire cars, because I believe these are always good life skills to keep in you arsenal. If you are being chased, being able to hotwire any car is almost necessary.

And, of course, being able to break into your ex's house to trash his stuff is always a good thing to know how to do.

So, naturally, now I'm trying to learn the basics of computer hacking. Because, we know, that in this modern day, people need to know how to change web pages as much as they need to know how to tie their shoes or brush their teeth.

xx

We ARE all ugly.

If you stare at someone for long enough, you start to see all of the imperfections in their faces. Small wrinkles, asymmetry. Everything that makes us imperfect can be seen, if only we stare long enough.

It is the same on the inside too, I believe. You spend enough time around someone and you begin to see the side of people they try to cover up, the things that make them imperfect. And as a race, we tend to strive for perfection, so anything less is a disappointment.

This is a solid case for divorce, of course. You marry someone, you spend years by their side. You know their secrets and their tells. They say when a man has an affair, the wife always knows. Because she spends her time with him, when they are not at work, they are together. We get used to routine and any break in that routine does not go unnoticed. We see, a new twinkle in their eye, or a smile that didn't used to be their, we have to question why. What changed?

We can never hide our imperfections from those close to us, but it's the fact that we try that makes the biggest difference. It's the passwords we use to protect our porn collection, or the encrypted messages we send our mistresses. It's in the forced laughter and the suppressed tears. We try to make the people around us happy, while making ourselves happy as well. And who can ask for more than that, really?

Marriage is a sham, but it is not the biggest problem facing couples. It's when we stop trying to hide our indiscretions that the problems really begin.

x

Serial Killer is the job role for me ?

NCIS just made a valid point, which developed a thought I'd already had.

Who was Jerry Thompson? Or Mike Novotny?

The first was the one who broke the case and apprehended ted Bundy, the second was the officer who arrested the Son of Sam killer.

No one remembers their names. No one sends them fan mail or marriage proposals, but serial killers get both.

And what of the victims. I studied Jack the Ripper in school, and I still sometimes have trouble remembering the names of his five victims. Because they didn't get as much press, or attention.

So, anyone who wants to get famous should become a serial killer, because they're arguably more famous than actors and musicians.