Not As Long As I Thought :/

My last proper post was in April, which isn't as long ago as I thought it would've been.

Not even sure what to say now, even though a moment ago I had the urge to write something here :/ Hmmm...

I guess I could comment on the phone call I made to Allison, she wasn't in when I first called. sHe called back the next day and said I had to get re-referred to CAMHS, only this time through my GP, not the randomer who came to the hospital last year.

I said sure, but never got onto it. She got me back again after that and I made some lame excuse as to why I hadn't gotten around to it. I said I'd go during Christmas Holidays, I have no intentions of doing any such thing. Woe is me.

*Sigh*

I'm done.

I might not post here for several months, I might post next week...who knows. Not me.

Links

http://www.tubechop.com/
http://www.wordle.net/advanced

It's Never What You Think

Don’t call me beautiful. Because I know it’s a lie. You feel like you have to say I’m pretty, argue with me when I say “I’m fat” or “I’m Ugly”. And I don’t say it because I’m fishing for compliments. I say it because I’ve accepted it. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll never be a pretty girl.

And no one should tell an ugly girl she’s beautiful, the same no one should tell someone who’s tone deaf they can sing. Because then they believe it’s true, and they audition for X Factor, and people laugh. And then of course I cry. I cry because I’m a very empathetic person. And I feel people’s hurt and embarrassment. And it makes me cry. And I know, that somewhere along the line, someone told that person that they had a nice voice, and they believed that horrible person. And then they auditioned for X Factor. And people laughed. And I cried.

Well, it’s the same for ugly people. And fat people. Don’t try and convince people they’re something they’re not. It’s a good thing that people come to terms with who they really are. No one should try and destroy that just to make them feel better, or like you more. It’s not good. Not good for anyone.

So, I’m fat. And I’m ugly. Got a problem with that? Didn’t think so.

Guitar Practising face

I just realised I pull a really odd face when I'm playing/practising guitar.
No, I'm not very good. i'm a toootal noob currently. But I will learn. I am determined to learn to play this year! I will do it!

Umm, I don't have much to say. I've been writing a bit recently, so that's good. I just need to get back on track with my writing, and my more productive tasks (and yes, I count re-watching all fiver series of Lost a productive task =D)

Okay.

So love yas Byyyyee

xx

Feels Let Down By Life...

But that will be my external locus of control talking :/

I've been feeling more and more like my life is running out. Because, I'm nearly 16, and everyone expects me to suddenly grow up.

I am a child. If I had my way, I'd stay a child forever.

I wish I could.

But, also, I want to change, everyday, I feel like changing. But I never do. maybe this should be the chance for me to change, not just because people expect me to, or other people want me to, but because I want to do it for myself. I want to give myself a fighting chance at life.

At least, that's what I hope to achieve. So, right now. I'm going to put a playlist on on facebook and start tidying my room up a lil bit. More organised. That'll be my new year's resolution. No, that'll be my growing up resolution. <3

Essential Life Skills. In the form of crime.

Recently I learnt how to pick locks and hotwire cars, because I believe these are always good life skills to keep in you arsenal. If you are being chased, being able to hotwire any car is almost necessary.

And, of course, being able to break into your ex's house to trash his stuff is always a good thing to know how to do.

So, naturally, now I'm trying to learn the basics of computer hacking. Because, we know, that in this modern day, people need to know how to change web pages as much as they need to know how to tie their shoes or brush their teeth.

xx

We ARE all ugly.

If you stare at someone for long enough, you start to see all of the imperfections in their faces. Small wrinkles, asymmetry. Everything that makes us imperfect can be seen, if only we stare long enough.

It is the same on the inside too, I believe. You spend enough time around someone and you begin to see the side of people they try to cover up, the things that make them imperfect. And as a race, we tend to strive for perfection, so anything less is a disappointment.

This is a solid case for divorce, of course. You marry someone, you spend years by their side. You know their secrets and their tells. They say when a man has an affair, the wife always knows. Because she spends her time with him, when they are not at work, they are together. We get used to routine and any break in that routine does not go unnoticed. We see, a new twinkle in their eye, or a smile that didn't used to be their, we have to question why. What changed?

We can never hide our imperfections from those close to us, but it's the fact that we try that makes the biggest difference. It's the passwords we use to protect our porn collection, or the encrypted messages we send our mistresses. It's in the forced laughter and the suppressed tears. We try to make the people around us happy, while making ourselves happy as well. And who can ask for more than that, really?

Marriage is a sham, but it is not the biggest problem facing couples. It's when we stop trying to hide our indiscretions that the problems really begin.

x