So, still having episodes of total freakishness. That's the only way I can think to explain them...
I had a blood test, got the results today. They tooke 7 viles of my blood and the don't know what's wrong wiht me. So they took my blood for no reason other than to rule out a few things. Lovely.
Spring is here, the weather is warming up and everyone's going out more. Not me...but people. One thing that's really getting to me, is the fact I don't have any money to get clothes more appropriate for spring/summer. I don't think I have many items of clothing that didn't come from Asda or Tesco. I'm not a brand whore. I don't think some clothes are cooler just because they have a more expensive label. I do think, however, that some of the clothes they sell in Tesco is so ugly that it should be illegal, some of it is just so plain that it makes it just as bad. Okay, maybe I'm sounding like a spoiled Brat, but I'm not, it's just sometimes I think about how long I go between buying any new clothes and it makes me shudder. I am, in fact, still growing afterall. So it follows that I should get new clothes when I grow out of my old ones. This doesn't happen though and my wardrobe just keeps shrinking. My parents don't give me money for things like clothes from high street stores. As we're going shopping for food, I have to point out something I think looks reeally cool (actually, I just think it'll do) and if my mum's feeling generous she'll buy it for me. Usually it costs between £2.50 and around £10 (mostly that's for trousers). I felt like such a total loser today. My trousers are totally split and they've already been resewn at least once. I had to wear them though because the only other school trousers I have don't fit me.
Maybe this shouldn't affect me as much as it does. I dunno. All I know is that, I'm so highly emotional all the time, I feel like all my nerves are exposed and my brain is an open target for pain and anguish.
I'm Ill.
I'm Broken.
xxx
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2 comments:
I check your blog every day; this part is called Mr. Afraid Of Commitment Gives In For A Friend.
I think about you all the time and wonder how your life is; this part's titled Mr. Afraid Of Commitment Cares.
I'll call this most recent part Mr. Afraid Of Commitment Isn't Giving Up On You.
Mr. Afraid Of Commitment would've told you this all himself, but I think he's in the midst of taking a bath, so I had to.lol.
Don't give up, Meg.
I hope they do find what is wrong with you before draining all the blood from you like a capri sun. Im sure they will.
And I can understand where you are coming from with the clothes, image seems to be really important these days and it makes you nervous of what people might think. But i think you look great whatever and i think most would agree so don't worry bout that. But when clothes are too small it can be a biatch. You wear them all day so it would be nice to at least feel comfortable in them. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!
Keep strong.
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