I had a major breakdown this morning, I don't know what happened, I just flipped.
I was screaming and crying and rambling and acting weird. Maybe I'm crazy, not just depressed...maybe someone really should have me committed. Sometimes I think I'd like that, if they committed me...other times I just want to pretend I'm normal...which I'm not.
Do you ever feel that there's something missing from your life? Well, I think the main thing missing form my life...is a life. I'm like the living dead, I walk around in a half-sleep and just do things, sometimes I don't think I'm really feeling anything. Until I start to cry, and the tears are stinging my eyes and I realise that there's something human in me somewhere.
I came to a sudden realisation today (I didn't want to use the word epiphany), I actually like fixing other peoples problems, making other people happy even when I can't be. It's like I can change their lives, to go one way or another, my advice could cause catastrophe or mend their problems. I like that I can help them so majorly, without them realising it. Like I'm a guardian angel watching their backs and helping them through crisis.
If only my own problems were as easily solved.
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3 comments:
Awww, I don't want to have you comited, there would be no one to talk to. And normal is for normal people, you don't need to be normal, its dull.
Tiredness plagues us. Coffee helps but it wont bring back the feelings. Crying sure does help.
If you can help just one person then that is worth helping. If you ever need a guardian angel then I'm here to talk as always.
What is normal, anyway?
I'm not normal, and Simon here isn't either. You're you.
And everyone has a life. It's a little too contradictory to say that you're unhappy with your life and that you don't have one. Once again, you're paying mind only to what other people refer to as a life.
It makes sense that you'd enjoy helping people. I don't believe you hate others.
Instead of looking for excuses to not like yourself or what you do, you should fight for reasons to see what's good about yourself.
You are right. As always, and I'm glad you're right.
I think I'm getting better and then it all falls back again. I wouldn't mind some sort of constant.
xxx
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