Journey Of An Escaped Mind

Not As Long As I Thought :/

2010-12-05T10:29:00.000-08:00

My last proper post was in April, which isn't as long ago as I thought it would've been.

Not even sure what to say now, even though a moment ago I had the urge to write something here :/ Hmmm...

I guess I could comment on the phone call I made to Allison, she wasn't in when I first called. sHe called back the next day and said I had to get re-referred to CAMHS, only this time through my GP, not the randomer who came to the hospital last year.

I said sure, but never got onto it. She got me back again after that and I made some lame excuse as to why I hadn't gotten around to it. I said I'd go during Christmas Holidays, I have no intentions of doing any such thing. Woe is me.

*Sigh*

I'm done.

I might not post here for several months, I might post next week...who knows. Not me.

Links

2010-09-27T06:54:00.000-07:00

http://www.tubechop.com/
http://www.wordle.net/advanced

It's Never What You Think

2010-04-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

Don’t call me beautiful. Because I know it’s a lie. You feel like you have to say I’m pretty, argue with me when I say “I’m fat” or “I’m Ugly”. And I don’t say it because I’m fishing for compliments. I say it because I’ve accepted it. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll never be a pretty girl.

And no one should tell an ugly girl she’s beautiful, the same no one should tell someone who’s tone deaf they can sing. Because then they believe it’s true, and they audition for X Factor, and people laugh. And then of course I cry. I cry because I’m a very empathetic person. And I feel people’s hurt and embarrassment. And it makes me cry. And I know, that somewhere along the line, someone told that person that they had a nice voice, and they believed that horrible person. And then they auditioned for X Factor. And people laughed. And I cried.

Well, it’s the same for ugly people. And fat people. Don’t try and convince people they’re something they’re not. It’s a good thing that people come to terms with who they really are. No one should try and destroy that just to make them feel better, or like you more. It’s not good. Not good for anyone.

So, I’m fat. And I’m ugly. Got a problem with that? Didn’t think so.

Guitar Practising face

2010-02-07T08:50:00.000-08:00

I just realised I pull a really odd face when I'm playing/practising guitar.
No, I'm not very good. i'm a toootal noob currently. But I will learn. I am determined to learn to play this year! I will do it!

Umm, I don't have much to say. I've been writing a bit recently, so that's good. I just need to get back on track with my writing, and my more productive tasks (and yes, I count re-watching all fiver series of Lost a productive task =D)

Okay.

So love yas Byyyyee

xx

Feels Let Down By Life...

2010-01-30T08:25:00.000-08:00

But that will be my external locus of control talking :/

I've been feeling more and more like my life is running out. Because, I'm nearly 16, and everyone expects me to suddenly grow up.

I am a child. If I had my way, I'd stay a child forever.

I wish I could.

But, also, I want to change, everyday, I feel like changing. But I never do. maybe this should be the chance for me to change, not just because people expect me to, or other people want me to, but because I want to do it for myself. I want to give myself a fighting chance at life.

At least, that's what I hope to achieve. So, right now. I'm going to put a playlist on on facebook and start tidying my room up a lil bit. More organised. That'll be my new year's resolution. No, that'll be my growing up resolution. <3

Essential Life Skills. In the form of crime.

2010-01-13T12:45:00.000-08:00

Recently I learnt how to pick locks and hotwire cars, because I believe these are always good life skills to keep in you arsenal. If you are being chased, being able to hotwire any car is almost necessary.

And, of course, being able to break into your ex's house to trash his stuff is always a good thing to know how to do.

So, naturally, now I'm trying to learn the basics of computer hacking. Because, we know, that in this modern day, people need to know how to change web pages as much as they need to know how to tie their shoes or brush their teeth.

xx

We ARE all ugly.

2010-01-13T08:48:00.000-08:00

If you stare at someone for long enough, you start to see all of the imperfections in their faces. Small wrinkles, asymmetry. Everything that makes us imperfect can be seen, if only we stare long enough.

It is the same on the inside too, I believe. You spend enough time around someone and you begin to see the side of people they try to cover up, the things that make them imperfect. And as a race, we tend to strive for perfection, so anything less is a disappointment.

This is a solid case for divorce, of course. You marry someone, you spend years by their side. You know their secrets and their tells. They say when a man has an affair, the wife always knows. Because she spends her time with him, when they are not at work, they are together. We get used to routine and any break in that routine does not go unnoticed. We see, a new twinkle in their eye, or a smile that didn't used to be their, we have to question why. What changed?

We can never hide our imperfections from those close to us, but it's the fact that we try that makes the biggest difference. It's the passwords we use to protect our porn collection, or the encrypted messages we send our mistresses. It's in the forced laughter and the suppressed tears. We try to make the people around us happy, while making ourselves happy as well. And who can ask for more than that, really?

Marriage is a sham, but it is not the biggest problem facing couples. It's when we stop trying to hide our indiscretions that the problems really begin.

x

Serial Killer is the job role for me ?

2010-01-11T07:59:00.000-08:00

NCIS just made a valid point, which developed a thought I'd already had.

Who was Jerry Thompson? Or Mike Novotny?

The first was the one who broke the case and apprehended ted Bundy, the second was the officer who arrested the Son of Sam killer.

No one remembers their names. No one sends them fan mail or marriage proposals, but serial killers get both.

And what of the victims. I studied Jack the Ripper in school, and I still sometimes have trouble remembering the names of his five victims. Because they didn't get as much press, or attention.

So, anyone who wants to get famous should become a serial killer, because they're arguably more famous than actors and musicians.

A New Mac Sparks a Religious Thought

2009-12-30T11:55:00.000-08:00

Well, the new MacBook I have, did not necessarily directly cause this chain of thought I am currently engaged in, but nonetheless, it is there and I'm sure there is some sort of indirect correlation somewhere.

My thought is really very simple, and yet complex and has caused me to think quite hard about our society and the future for the human race. My thought is this: Can Science and Religion Coexist Harmoniously?

My answer would have to be a resounding no. Although the reason for this has nothing to do with the religion or the science, it is because of us, the great and bountiful Human Race. We take Religion and twist it to suit our own, selfish, personal needs, and to some extent we do the same with Science. So, if one person needs science to be a solid fact, never changing, never altering in its conclusions, and another needs there to be a god that will make sure we are safe, but to believe that we can chose and control our own fate, our own destiny and that things are always changing to suit this change in fate/destiny. These two people would most likely not be able to exist together in peace, because they need the world to mean different things, and they would not like someone else trying to change their perception of the world.

There are people who can believe in both a god and the changing facts of science. For some people the wondrous ability of Science to make us question what is going on around us, what goes on beneath he surface of something, it just reinforces their belief in god, of a higher power.

But even these people may never be able to live in a kind of peace with some other people, more extremists, people who believe so strongly in their religion or scientific field, that they believe that no one else's beliefs or opinions or values matter, that they are right and everyone else should agree with them.

It is because of the diverse nature of the Human Being, that we may never be able to accept both Science and religion together with the same importance and significance to the reality we live in.

That is my assesment of the situation at least.

At Jades House and Tired

2009-08-21T10:23:00.000-07:00

I'm at my Jadey's house, and In The Night Garden has made me sooo Tired hehe.

So, My Grandad is here from Australia, and that's cool.

Not much else is really happening in my life. Nothing of interest to contribute.

Still in a fight with Charlie, who is now in a fight with Jadey and wants to be my friend suddenly. What a loser.

Yeah, that's it.

Bye then
xx

My Lip Is Pierced. This is Just a stroy I posted to BMEzine...Just cause I can

2009-07-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

I want to be just like my dad. One of the many reasons for my extensive list of tattoos and piercings I want. But, more importantly, I want to be my own person. Just my own person who is kind of like my dad.

It feels like I've always known I wanted my lip pierced, and, from the second the first came into my head, I wanted a side labret ring. Although, getting it wasn't going to be as easy as making my decision.

First, there was the obstacle of my mum. She's not over keen on facial piercings, which as I pointed out is slightly hypocritical of her seeing as how at one point she herself had her nose pierced. It turns out though, that all I had to do was threaten to stretch my ear instead and she was on board.

So, my parents were all for the piercing and I told them I was going to get it done at the beginning of the summer holidays, so it had time to heal before school started for year 11. I was ready, and I was going to get it done.

The summer holidays came so quickly, school was over quickly and soon forgotten, and only two weeks in, my dad, with some not so gentle encouragement from my mum, set a day. Wednesday the 29th. I counted down the days in my calender, crossing each one off before I fell asleep, this couldn't come soon enough for me. Then, boom, it was Wednesday the 29th.

My dad took me to three different tattoo shops and piercing studios, and he called another two, until Toni's said they'd be happy to do it. I was stoked. There had been a moment when I felt like telling my dad just to give up, that it wasn't meant to be, but it was going to happen, I was going to get exactly what I'd been waiting for weeks, months even, for.

We took the half an hour drive into Guildford and I was just listening to music, trying not to get nervous. But of course, my dad knows me better than he knows himself and he could see the worry in my eyes, even though it was barely there, being my dad, he felt it necessary to make jokes and take my mind off of it, as well as try and make me more worried of course. I wasn't without anxiety. All I could thing was that it was going to hurt, I'm going to cry and make an idiot of my self.

When we got there, I instantly loved Toni, he put me at ease and made me feel really good about the whole thing. He helped me pick out the perfect ring and positioned it exactly where I wanted it. There was no one there when we first got there, but more people did arrive, the first was a girl having her upper ear pierced, then two boys came in and one got his ear pierced, it was him that was in there when I sat down, he looked at me as if I was crazy. Of course, my dad wouldn't let up about the fact that I opted for a slight numbing before I was stabbed with he needle. It was slightly painful, but nothing I couldn't deal with. I just remember the coldness of the stuff Toni used to numb it.

Before I knew it, I was pierced. I got down off of the chair that looked exactly like the ones on doctors offices. And walked back out to where my dad was waiting. He just smiled at me. I'll always be a daddy's girl. Toni handed me the aftercare antiseptic and that stuff I used on my ears when I got them pierced. The exact same stuff. I really love the smell of it.

My dad, being the person he is, couldn't leave without buying something, so got himself a couple of new nipple rings, which is something I could have lived without. Especially as there were three people coming in for various ear piercings, who all looked at me and my dad strangely. Me because I had my lip pierced and dry blood all over my mouth, my dad because he was talking about nipples really loudly with Toni. But that's just fine with me.

My family are having trouble getting used to me now, they say I look really different, but I'm in love with it. Thanks to Toni, it's everything I wanted and more. Having my lip pierced has really made this a summer to remember. And I can't wait until I'm 18, I'll finally be able to stretch my ear and get those tattoos I have already planned in my head.

Never Shout Never

2009-07-26T18:42:00.000-07:00

OhEmGee.
I'm in love with the music by amazing songer/songwriter...Never Shout Never!!!

Done

I have teh internets!!

2009-07-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

I managed to fix the internet in my room, so that's good. Just in time for Summer as well, so double cookie points for me.

That was really all I had to say =D

Girls Can Be So Bitchy...

2009-07-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am in fact one of those girls.

Me and two of my friends are involved in one of the most upsetting fights of my life.

Charlie is so upset at me for something that is not my fault and should not even be upsetting her, seeing as how it has nothing to do with her. But she felt the need to be pathetic and ruin everyones weekend, because she wouldn't even look me in the eye, let alone talk to me about what was bothering her. She was acting like a two year old and ignoring me. She wouldn't even talk to anyone when I was near her.

I love her. I really do, forever and always. But right now I hate her. I hate for making me cry and I hate her for the fact that I did in fact try and talk to her, I tried to make it better and I spent a large portion of yesterday trying to figure what I could say to make her listen to me. But I realised there was nothing I could say, because she clearly doesn't want anything to do with me now. She made that perfectly clear.

So now, I'll proceed to spend the rest of my school days (which I do realise will be until I'm about 21) on my own and spending my weekends doing work and watching TV and on the Internet.

xxx

JulNoWriMo

2009-07-01T08:08:00.001-07:00

Why Is Life So Damn Confusing?

2009-06-27T02:45:00.001-07:00

Cause it's...fun?

Jeez. Suckish or what?

Simplety. Is it too much to ask for??

Obviously. It's half two.

Too beat to type meaning.

Now it's not 2 30. it's twenty to ten.

Also fun.

Happy Days...

2009-06-17T06:59:00.000-07:00

Kay, first thing's first.

Sitting there, a second too long,
Her face turned up in sneer,
I tell myself, to just be strong,
But in my heart, a pounding fear,

They’re not as good as I,
But still, my heart beats faster,
Before my eyes, start to cry,
I stand and run, my life – disaster,

I see the ones they talk about,
Blonde and pretty, so vein,
They get up, they go out,
Like the never ending social train,

Busy, busy, that’s all that they see,
I study and pass; they don’t, and fail,
One day, in a distant dream, I could be,
Successful, brilliant, for them, just a tale

I am strong, I can hold my own,
Only a few more years, I’ll be away,
University, a career, my own woman,
And where will they be, on that day?

So in the end, I know that I will win,
Maybe not yet, But I can wait,
Be strong, hold on, and wait to sing,
And then, I will be there, on that day.

I didn't write it by choice...necessarily.

My shrink made me.

Not like, she forced me at gunpoint, but like, she said, try writing a poem about being happy instead of the one's I usually write...about suicide and stuff.

Fun.

That was pretty much it actually.

I'm in tutor, not got a lot of time...

Again...fun.

I finished my business studies work, did an extra PowerPoint and still had extra time to read!!

I'm so epic!

Meg.

Business Studies and The Over Booked Student Planner

2009-06-16T01:43:00.000-07:00

I'm in Business Studies again.
I'm not messing around, per say, I have finished all my work...so that makes it okay...right??

Anyway, I am in Business Studies and freaking out about how hectic my schedule has become. And not in a , 'Oh wow you have so many friends and parties' Kinda way, in the 'Shit, How many exams and appointments and responsibilities do you have??' Kinda way.

Fun.

So.

Sports Day on Friday. I actually bothered to sign up for something...two things. What was I thinking??

Javelin and Long Jump. But, I'm going to try and Make my house proud. Ghandi all that way!!

Yeah, I'm in Ghandi house, it's all good. I'm not in Roosevelt or Churchill or Mandela, no, Ghandi...obviously.

I'm having a heart monitor fitted after school today, before I go see my shrink.

I'm waiting for the look on their faces when they look and see there is no heart =D

I'm not a consistent blogger, or vlogger or diary writer, but I try...that's the thing right?

Nevermind. No one reads it anyway...

I should go now. I have another hour and ten minutes in a lesson where I've actually done all the work. It seems redundant to me.

Cat xxx

the contest DFTBA street team

2009-06-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhhh....

Yes, I need people to put their email address in a box and stuff (the green one in the corner...

I kinda wanna win...don't think it's gonna happen though...

xxx

Shout out to My Youtube Page,

2009-05-31T07:20:00.000-07:00

I don't have very much to say. As I have mentioned not a lot actually happens in my life...sigh.

http://www.youtube.com/TheWayWeDie

My Youtube Page. Videos are currently yelling at me to upload them. I'll get around to it at some point...probably...Maybe.

hehe.

That is all.

At School. How Awesome.

2009-05-01T01:42:00.000-07:00

I'm posting this entry from school. Having to use FireFox just to get onto the site. Our school blocks the most random and unnecessary things. deviant Art, for example.

How Awesome.

So, I stayed up all night and then went for a run in the morning, then, being too hyped to sit still I acted on impulse and walked to school at 20 past 7. A full 40 minutes before I would usually leave in the car. How impulsive of me.

Paid off though, I got some random stuff done on my story. I'm not happy with the current chapter and wish I could just get rid of it. Unfortunately it's kind of important...well, it is to me...although just getting rid of it is not fully out of the picture yet =D

Writing comes so easily to me. Like nature, not even second nature, just nature. Now that's poetry (coincidentally something else that comes naturally to me).

I'm tired and in Business Studies with a teacher who doesn't teach and I#m feeling ill. Hoping it's not the Swine Flu/ZOmbie Virus. Interesting fact for you here. The swine flu strain that escaped from Mexico, it has the ability to kill people and then they become zombies after they die. Maybe I'm just saying that becasue I want to put our 'Zombie Attack Action Plan' into action, becasue it's so cool. In a weird way.

But that's me. Weird.

I've got about 9 minutes of babble time left and then it's off to Physical Education for me. How much fun. I hate Rounders.
Rounders thinks itt's baseball, but it Phails...

I'd rather do football or hockey or something I can actually like trying.

School sucks

Can't wait for Uni.

Double spacing Ahhhhhhh.

Did I mention tired?

Bored??

Ahhhhh????

Thanks anyhow
xxx Cat xxx

It's all gone Pete Tong over here

2009-04-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

So, I've got into this habbit of just lying down and watching TV and movies on my laptop and not even bothering to socialise...-sigh-

I've come to terms with the fact that I make myself sick.

And I give up

Bye =D

5:06 in the morning and I didn't sleep at all...

2009-04-10T20:58:00.000-07:00

I'm wired actually. Totally wired. But that may be the Dr Pepper talking =D
I'm confused, I want to scream and cry and run in circles all at the same time.

Maybe I will later. Just for the hell of it.

I'm suffocating.
I haven't really been out at all over the Easter Holidays. It's 7 days in with 9 left to go and I'm scared this is the way my life has always been, and the way it will always be. Very scared.

I started to read Wuthering heights again last night, I'm only on chapter 8 so far, page 72. I love that books so much. One of my favourite classic novels. Among others.

My hands are orange and I have tanned streaks on my arms because my friend thought it would be funny to put tinted moisturiser on me while I was asleep. Now it's stuck on there and I have no idea how to get it off. I thought tinted moisturisers were supposed to build gradual tans? Not turn your hands orange. It's all over to, front and back. Urgh. Now I can't make fun of Ryan (Although he was tangoed all over =D)

I'll survive. Who cares anyway.

Although, sometimes I think if I cared more about how I looked people might notice me in a good way more often. Rather than just calling me an 'emo' bitch... Actually, someone even wrote 'emo' bitch on my maths book...oh yeah, that's right, someone wrote 'emo' I wrote Bitch...=D

Well I'm pretty much done. Off to watch more Lost!!

What an exciting life I lead

xxx

More Episodes and Poverty...

2009-03-24T13:55:00.000-07:00

So, still having episodes of total freakishness. That's the only way I can think to explain them...
I had a blood test, got the results today. They tooke 7 viles of my blood and the don't know what's wrong wiht me. So they took my blood for no reason other than to rule out a few things. Lovely.

Spring is here, the weather is warming up and everyone's going out more. Not me...but people. One thing that's really getting to me, is the fact I don't have any money to get clothes more appropriate for spring/summer. I don't think I have many items of clothing that didn't come from Asda or Tesco. I'm not a brand whore. I don't think some clothes are cooler just because they have a more expensive label. I do think, however, that some of the clothes they sell in Tesco is so ugly that it should be illegal, some of it is just so plain that it makes it just as bad. Okay, maybe I'm sounding like a spoiled Brat, but I'm not, it's just sometimes I think about how long I go between buying any new clothes and it makes me shudder. I am, in fact, still growing afterall. So it follows that I should get new clothes when I grow out of my old ones. This doesn't happen though and my wardrobe just keeps shrinking. My parents don't give me money for things like clothes from high street stores. As we're going shopping for food, I have to point out something I think looks reeally cool (actually, I just think it'll do) and if my mum's feeling generous she'll buy it for me. Usually it costs between £2.50 and around £10 (mostly that's for trousers). I felt like such a total loser today. My trousers are totally split and they've already been resewn at least once. I had to wear them though because the only other school trousers I have don't fit me.

Maybe this shouldn't affect me as much as it does. I dunno. All I know is that, I'm so highly emotional all the time, I feel like all my nerves are exposed and my brain is an open target for pain and anguish.

I'm Ill.

I'm Broken.

xxx

New Hair

2009-02-13T14:10:00.000-08:00

I have new Hair!!! I would describe it, but I'm leaving it as a surprise for all my friends when we go to the cineam Wednesday.

As for the info on wednesday, this is what's happening!!!!:

we're going to see that Moonacre one =D
We're meeting up at around 10:50 !!!
We're gonna go into town after for food xxx

I'm going to be 15, But I feel like a three year old!!!

I'm sooooo happy!!!

-HappyCrazyLadyDance-

xxxCAT

Breakdown time!

2009-02-09T11:33:00.000-08:00

I had a major breakdown this morning, I don't know what happened, I just flipped.
I was screaming and crying and rambling and acting weird. Maybe I'm crazy, not just depressed...maybe someone really should have me committed. Sometimes I think I'd like that, if they committed me...other times I just want to pretend I'm normal...which I'm not.

Do you ever feel that there's something missing from your life? Well, I think the main thing missing form my life...is a life. I'm like the living dead, I walk around in a half-sleep and just do things, sometimes I don't think I'm really feeling anything. Until I start to cry, and the tears are stinging my eyes and I realise that there's something human in me somewhere.

I came to a sudden realisation today (I didn't want to use the word epiphany), I actually like fixing other peoples problems, making other people happy even when I can't be. It's like I can change their lives, to go one way or another, my advice could cause catastrophe or mend their problems. I like that I can help them so majorly, without them realising it. Like I'm a guardian angel watching their backs and helping them through crisis.

If only my own problems were as easily solved.

Sooo...

2009-02-01T07:11:00.001-08:00

I'm sooooo tired, I'm finding it hard to sleep at night, so I'm falling asleep at four in the morning and getting up at nearly 2 in the afternoon....my life is getting too screwed up!
I don't know what else there is to say other than to moan about Valentine's day some more. But I'm too tired to do that....
I could whinge about how everyone's having fun without me, but that would appear selfish.
I could say how I'm totally desperate to find someone I can like that likes me back, but that would make me seem needy or dependent or something.
I could say how my crush on a straight friend is driving me insane, but people might think I'm over exaggerating.
I'm not any of those things....this is my life...welcome.

Catxxx

New Year, Same Old Me

2009-01-27T18:08:00.001-08:00

Yes, it's 2009.
I have a cat!!!
His name is Bobby and he's one year old. I love him to pieces.
Although on a sliiight downer, I'm spiralling into that black mass of depression that constantly threatens to swallow me, and is now succeeding.
I suppose the fact that this Blog is so isolated form people lends me strength (half sarcasm, half truth).
I only have one confidante and I need him, like a life-support machine.
I don't know why I'm doing this, especially now at quarter past two in the morning. I have school tomorrow as well. Hehe.
My birthday in a little over two weeks, unfortunately, I have to survive Valentine's day first, which I might not. All things considered.
My Christmas was lovely thank you for asking. I got a new guitar, which I am slowly but surely managing to play =D
God, why am I pretending to be happy in my blog, it's not like there's anyone there.
Well Bye For now...x

The quiz I has to do...Twas funneh actually.

2008-11-25T09:39:00.000-08:00

~MUSIC QUIZ OF DOOM~
1. Take your I-pod or mp3 player equivalent of one and put the music on SHUFFLE.
2. Write down the TITLE of the music down for each question. When one question is done, go on forward to another song. NO SKIPPING. THAT'S CHEATING, BUB.
3. TAG PEOPLE CUZ I SAY SO

1. What you will be in another life--> Changes by David Bowie (yh...that's weird...)

2. An excuse for why you forgot your homework--> You don't Know by Eminem (lolz, that's funny)

3. Your soulmate is--> Good Times from the Lost Boys soundtrack

4. When out in public, you randomly scream--> Walking down the Hill by Travis (yeah...okay then)

5. You were listening to this while running away from a large, rolling boulder.--> X-ecutioner style by Linkin Park (lolzness)

6. When you are married, the song that your first dance will be to is this--> Tangled by Maroon 5 (can I just say. How the heck did Maroon 5 get on my iPod...I don't like them...)

7. You confront a hobo on the street--> Trouble Sleeping by Corinne Bailey Rae (quite funny...lolz)

8. Your favorite character from any fandom kidnaps you. Your reaction is--> Weeping Willow by The Verve (I'm just going to say Willow, Buffy, Vampire Slayerage)

9. The area of a circle = Bionic by Placebo (yh, that circle is so cool)

10. If you have kids, they will be--> Giving In by Adema (lolz if only all kids would give in...)

11. How your friends feel when they see you at school --> Wake by Linkin Park (yh, that's cool. I wake my friends up :-))

12. In battle, your enemy is going to lose. What happens--> Sick Sad Little World by Incubus (Another pretty fitting one)

13. This is the complete opposite of you--> I want You Back by The Kooks (...not sure how that one would work...)

14. When you die, how will people feel? --> Shoot me Again by Metalica (that's the funnyness)

15. How are you feeling today? --> Open Up by Korn (..really?)

16. What does your shirt read? --> It's a Shame by Crash Test Dummies (Funnies)

17. When you find a dollar on the floor, what do you do with it? --> Smile by Westlife (now THAT is the ultimate)

18. CHINA IS ATTACKING! D8 --> On the Wagon by Green Day (yus...I'm leaving)

19. What goes through your mind when you see your true love/crush? --> Suicide Blonde by INXS (sure??)

20. WHAT ARE YOU CALLING THIS QUIZ? --> Rogues by Incubus

22. Did you like this quiz? --> Original Prankster by The Offspring (I's take that as a yes...)

23. What happened to #21? --> Children of The Korn by Korn (I take it they ate number 21...)

Heartbreak City...

2008-11-25T09:27:00.000-08:00

So, I went out with this girl. It lasted all of about a few hours. She couldn't handle it. I get where she's coming from. Still hurts.

Alex and Sam are still going steady, I'm really happy for them. Really, I am...
Jealous maybe...still happy they have eachother.

Seems that as we aproach Christmas more and more people are hooking up. Most of the girls are just in it for the gifts (yeah, they really are that petty), the guys are just too blind to see it.
People always hook up for Christmas and Valentines...makes me sick.
Jealous maybe...but still sick.

So in the middle of all the love-thick air, I might actually be drowning. Hope not. I rather not die without having taken even one GCSE.

And on the topic og GCSE's. I'm not in Triple Science yet, but I'm nearly there. I may just have to go and speak to Ms. Twyman myself, Simon asked for a transfer back into our tutor. That hasn't happened yet. They're being really slow.

Well anyway. That's about it.

Oh yeah. I may just have a crush on a girl at school. A staight girl.

Cat..x

2008-11-15T12:16:00.001-08:00

I edited the blog!!! Now it looks more awesome!!
And yes I am aware this will make my third post today wohoo!"!
How cool am I?...Yh I know...not very. Who cares? Not me.

Deciding

2008-11-15T11:34:00.000-08:00

I only just posted but I wanted to post again. I am kind of going to be using this as a kind of online diary. So I'll post when I damn well feel like it.

I'm reading this book. It's a really well known book called Catch-22 by Joseph Heller. It's really good so far. My English Teacher said it was a hard read, but I don't think so. Does that make me ultimately weird. I mean, yeah I read Shakespeare and Jane Austen and authors like that for fun, but so do a lot of people. Sure most of them aren't fifteen year old girls from Bracknell-Chav-Town...But it's not that uncommon...Surely?

But really right now, I'm trying to decide what to do with my life. Because change is good. I need 'good'. So I need change. The only problem? I don't know how to change.

I've tried a million and one times, but I just can't do it. Sometimes I get half way there, sometimes I don't even make the half way mark, but every time I have failed.

I know I can't put it off any longer though. Pretty soon I might end up killing myself. I know there are lots of people who will look at my life and say 'her life isn't so bad, she has a house, a family, friends. I have it worse'. But I'm not those people. And the fact that I do have a house and family and friends makes it worse in some ways. I have a house, a falling apart house that is too small. I have a family, a large one with three brothers, one of them being a baby, I don't have much in common wiht any of my family, distant included. Yes. I do have friends, and being quite a socially awkward person really, that can be very hard at times. When I am out with them which is really rarely, I feel like a third wheel a lot...I'm just like that I guess.

Lots of people think their lives are hard when they're not, and maybe I am one of those people. But Depression can be passed on through genes and I think my dad blessed me with depression. Not that I can be sure of that but, hey. Life sucks. Let's at least try and Live with it. Although sometimes suicide seems the nicest way out of this.

I just want to be normal sometimes. Go out at the weekend and do normal things. I try to do that but most of the time it doesn't work very well. I want a boy/girlfriend like normal people. But that seems so hopeless for me. I'm ugly, not clever, not funny, I'm an emotional wreck, I can barely even make polite conversation with anyone, let alone go out with them on a regular basis. I'm actually unlovable.

Lovely.
xxxCat

Why am I even here?

2008-11-15T11:09:00.000-08:00

OKay so no one reads my blog. Who cares? OKay. Maybe I do. But no use crying over spilt milk right? Unless it was the last drop of milk in the bottle and you really wanted some milk. Seriously. All I want is a tiny glass of milk. Okay that is a metaphor. And it doesn't matter if you don't know what for. Well, I'll tell you anyway.
Since Sam and Alex decided to grow up and just go out with eachother already, I actually feel worse. No duh right? We went out to the cinema tonight. I didn't feel like a third wheel or anything. But I felt alone all the same.
I know I'm only fifteen. But then I'll be sixteen then seventeen, then pretty soon I'll be a forty-five year old who's never had a date. Yes I really am that undesirable.

So yeah, Sam ends up going out with someone that likes her back. While I don't even have enough self confidence to even fall for a guy/girl. Yeah, my life sucks.
So everyone's gonna end up talking about them as a couple and how super awesome that is. And I'll just be sat there. Alone.

I had this dream. I kinda turned into Sleeping beauty. Only I had to be woken by the kiss of my soul mate. Well the dream developed and it wasn't until Sam kissed my forhead as if admitting that I didn't have a soul mate and was going to stay asleep forever. That I woke up.
I think that's what I fear the most. That there is no one other than Sam that could ever love me.
I love Sam and everything. But I want a boyfriend or a girlfriend. A proper boyfriend or girlfriend. Better yet, I just want to be able to like a guy/girl. Yeah if that guy/girl liked me back it would be above coolness, but just to be able to like a guy/girl in the first place. Maybe my mum's right. Maybe I am incapable of love.

Long Time No Post and No visitors.

2008-10-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

My dad took my computer apart and failed to put it back together again, so I am on another computer, which makes it harder to post regualarly.

Another thing I would like to say is that I am talking to no one. No one visits my blog so it does leave me questionaing what to do with this blog: leave it alone and don't post, keep posting or just delete my whole account.

I'd ask what you guys think...but there's no one there so it's just really pointless.

Once I decide what to do, I will post again.

My tutor must really hate me...

2008-09-08T10:21:00.000-07:00

My weekend was lovely thank you for asking. But as for Monday...first proper week back at school didn't get off to the best start. To start with, my brother now wants to cycle to and from school, not that much of a big deal really, except that trying to get out of that school on a bike is pointless, the groups of students can get so big that trying to negotiate your way around them is futile. Next, I have Miss (Lewis) Jordan for science again, she's not a bad person but a decent teacher she isn't. We learnt the bare minimum from her last year and it took us a damn long time to do it. Then in PE (not a good subject on the best of days) we had a really bad substitute teacher. She was overly stressy and really didn't seem to like us. Thankfully that was interrupted by the fire drill.
After break I had Business Studies which was okay except for the fact that the only person I had to talk to was someone I don't really like...English was next and another horrid substitute teacher, she was loud and didn't seem to understand what we were supposed to be doing. The teacher we were supposed to have had a set a creative writing task witha a time limit. The sustitute, turned it into ntest conditions, which wasn't exactly the greatest news. The work was good though, I quite like creative writing. After lunch we had Business Studies again and in the middle of lesson, my tutor walks in (he's also head of Business Studies) and announces that we have a test on friday to determine what sets we're going to be in (1 or 2).
Oh Joy...
So now I'm overdosing on Jane Austen and eating grapes so adios.
Catxxx

School Sucx and You know it!

2008-09-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

First day back at school was the 4th. Total suckishness. We went in at 10:30, only to go into a boringly-lame assembly followed by an hour of tutor. Speaking of tutors, mine sucx. Not a great start to the year really.
The only good thing about this year is that I know have more Drama and photography, I also have business studies whoo!! Unfortunately I don't have these classes with any of the BOA (except Jack in photography...lovely) so that'll be boring. Yes, it means I'll be able to concentrate on lessons, but it also means no fun...
So right now I'm listening to Pain by Three Days Grace, which is such an awesome song!
I should probably finish the couple of pieces of homework we got given, but I'm doing this instead, I tend to neglect my blog sometimes, I guess I just forget to post or can't be bothered or something, I dunno. I'm gonna try harder to post more often now so we'll just have to see how that one goes.
I've just had this EPIC MSN convo with Luci but now she's disappeared, must go and find her.
Cya's
Catty OUt
xxxCat

Reading madness!!

2008-06-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

In Reading (pronounced reding) yesterday me, Luci, Josh and Simone were acting like complete retards! It was soo much fun!
Unfortunately today hasn't been so great. It's hot and uncomfortable and I has been bored and we has school tommorow..:-(

XXXCatxxx

Not as dying as I thought.

2008-06-05T10:12:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor's today and she told me apperently I'm not dying. Although now I have pills to take (urgh!) so that should be fun (sense the sarcasm).
Hmmm. What else to say?
Nothing reallllly. So I might post later.
BFN

xXx Cat XxX

I'm Dying!!!!

2008-06-04T13:30:00.000-07:00

ARGH! I've been coughing like a...well...something that coughs alot for like a month now...no one cares. I'm going even more insane than usual, and it's not helped by the fact that no one visits my blog *cries* not even my muller light *looks at Luci with puppy dog eyes*...
I might actually have to die. Just to stop the coughing!!! HELP ME!!!!
Anywayzenhayzen (yes I actually do say tht out loud lol)
Catty out

xXx Cat XxX

Let me sleep!

2008-05-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

Okay so it's half term and this is the time when I generally give up and sleep in until 11 and got to sleep at gone midnight, unfortunately, becasue of my mum's idea of a fun week is going out everyday, I've been going out all day, getting back at late o'clock, falling asleep and doing it all over again. These frequent excersions (sp?) means that my room is a mess-hole and my drama project has to be completed in a day.

The good news?
Me and Luci went to see Indiana Jones at the cinema with a whole group of people (Sean, Simon, Me, Luci, Josh and Adam) It was fuuun. until the cinema-guy gave me a really dirty look, you know the one that just screams 'I'm so tired of people like you staying in the theatre too long, you're just making my life soo difficult!'...but never mind. Huh, then when I was waiting for Sean's mum who gave me a lift as well as Josh and Sean, Sean chased Josh, then Josh thought it would be a good idea to act like a pillock and leap-frog over the bollard...unfortunately, he didn't get hurt.

Well that's all from me really.
x=X=x Cat X=x=X

Dedication

2008-05-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

I'm going to re-dedicate myself to this blog. It's like a New Year's Resolution...in May.
So for my first post upon re-dedication I will precede(sp?) to rant about my suckish life with 3 brothers. Becasue take last week for example, if my mum is ill or busy and my dad's at work, I take on role of Nanny/Babysitter/Full-Time-BabyChaser. I must say, batheing, dressing and feeding a baby is harder than most people think, especially when said baby doesn't want to be bathed, dressed and fed :-(
He is however extreeemly cute for a baby...awww.

xXx Cat XxX

I haven't gone anywhere

2007-07-09T08:18:00.000-07:00

I'm still here (well not really HERE I'm kind of really far away but...)!!!!!!!
I'd say more but nothing that major ever really happens to me!

Oh wait this morning I stubbed my toe on the hoover!!!!

xXx Cat XxX

Post Numero Uno

2007-06-24T02:32:00.000-07:00

I know usually people start with a post all about themselves. But I'm not going to.
I'm going to start by saying woo-hoo! And All you Maximum Ride fans out there and especially those who clicked (If you clicked you know what I mean) THANK YOU!!!!!
The Flock is going to Hollywood! I always knew it would happen but it's just a woo-hoo kind of moment!!!!

xXx Cat XxX